Saturday, October 28, 2006

Three Plus One

Round Three has been very disappointing, but all is not lost. Faux 60 Year Old Man resurfaces and joins the roster. I am incredibly happy to hear from him. During this period of time he makes contact on several occasions and I am delighted. When he is with me he is kind, smart, thoughtful and vulnerable about personal issues that are impacting his life. I don’t want to be, but I believe I am smitten. I truly enjoy his company even when we aren’t having earth-moving aerobic sex. He couldn’t be more inappropriate or unrealistic or wrong for me. Even worse, each time he resurfaces I realize that I have actually missed him. I cannot deny that it is true. The encounter is more than fun, but his youth is beginning to annoy me, especially how he communicates – only via e-mail. The menopausal synapses finally connect and I realize that he has all of my contact information but I have none of his. Not everyone spends their life on the web. I am sure other women are receiving yellow roses, but he needs lessons in common communication courtesy. In spite of that I am eager to have him entertain me.

I try to explore why I feel the way I do. I convince myself and my friends that it is his physical power and beauty and nothing more. I begin to resent that he is charming and smart and am angry that he is not more available to me. Once again we get to what has defined my relationships – what I want; doing things my way. What do I want?

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